It’s June 1. Emerson’s birth month. How the hell has it been almost a year since I had her? There’s been so much change in my life but it’s been incredible. I am a very different person today, than I was a year ago. I have an entirely new outlook on life. Everything revolves around my family, my daughter and what is best for us. I wouldn’t change that. Yes, maybe I would like some more me time, some more moments to myself, some more time to workout or sleep, but if that doesn’t happen I will be perfectly ok with that too.
You know it’s funny… I opened up this page to write about my postpartum experience. I have had a hard time finding a new routine that includes working out (the way I used to) and how adjusting to my post baby body has been a big mental shift. Yet, the second I started writing happiness and positivity started to flow. I think that’s a good sign! I came in from a state of negativity but my thoughts and words quickly changed.
Although I’m not where I want to be in terms of my body and routine; I’m so happy. I did not know that one little human could bring so much joy to my life. Watching her learn and develop and find love in life makes me appreciate all the little things so much more.
As we head into June, I have more change approaching in my life, a new job, new daycare; leaving what has been so normal and so comfortable for so long. And ultimately, I still don’t really know what I want. I know I need to make a change. I don’t know if this is going to be 100% right but at least I’m doing something. The one thing that I think about a lot with leaving my job and finding a new one is what do I really want to do? At the end of the day, I know my passion is health and fitness and that I don’t really want to be behind a desk all day. I just don’t know how to make that a career. I think I want to spend the next year of my life trying to figure out how to do that.
This blog has been such a great outlet for me to share my health and fitness journey, my best practices and experiences but I do it so sporadic. This summer, as I turn the page on a new life chapter, I want to start writing more. I am just so shy and apprehensive to putting myself out there, even though at the end of the day that’s what I want to do. It’s a really hard dichotomy. I need to figure out which side outweighs the other and start running towards it.
So this post was supposed to be about postpartum and it turned into something so much different but it was a stream of consciousness and I clearly needed to get it out so I’m sharing it and maybe other people will resonate with it too!