It’s June 1. Emerson’s birth month. How the hell has it been almost a year since I had her? There’s been so much change in my life but it’s been incredible. I am a very different person today, than I was a year ago. I have an entirely new outlook on life. Everything revolves around my family, my daughter and what is best for us. I wouldn’t change that. Yes, maybe I would like some more me time, some more moments to myself, some more time to workout or sleep, but if that doesn’t happen I will be perfectly ok with that too.
You know it’s funny… I opened up this page to write about my postpartum experience. I have had a hard time finding a new routine that includes working out (the way I used to) and how adjusting to my post baby body has been a big mental shift. Yet, the second I started writing happiness and positivity started to flow. I think that’s a good sign! I came in from a state of negativity but my thoughts and words quickly changed.
Although I’m not where I want to be in terms of my body and routine; I’m so happy. I did not know that one little human could bring so much joy to my life. Watching her learn and develop and find love in life makes me appreciate all the little things so much more.
As we head into June, I have more change approaching in my life, a new job, new daycare; leaving what has been so normal and so comfortable for so long. And ultimately, I still don’t really know what I want. I know I need to make a change. I don’t know if this is going to be 100% right but at least I’m doing something. The one thing that I think about a lot with leaving my job and finding a new one is what do I really want to do? At the end of the day, I know my passion is health and fitness and that I don’t really want to be behind a desk all day. I just don’t know how to make that a career. I think I want to spend the next year of my life trying to figure out how to do that.
This blog has been such a great outlet for me to share my health and fitness journey, my best practices and experiences but I do it so sporadic. This summer, as I turn the page on a new life chapter, I want to start writing more. I am just so shy and apprehensive to putting myself out there, even though at the end of the day that’s what I want to do. It’s a really hard dichotomy. I need to figure out which side outweighs the other and start running towards it.
So this post was supposed to be about postpartum and it turned into something so much different but it was a stream of consciousness and I clearly needed to get it out so I’m sharing it and maybe other people will resonate with it too!
Today was my first day back to work after having Emerson. I still can’t really express or put into words how I feel about going back to work. Yes, I am happy to be back at work, with my colleagues and stimulating my mind. But I’m sad not to be at home with Emerson.
I tried to not focus on the fact that I was going back to work and really just go with the flow. Which was nice but it made the morning a little hectic. In hindsight I wish I’d made a list of everything I needed and prepared a little last night so that I could just grab and go in the morning. Instead I had no food for the day, I had to pack up my pump, make sure the milk is ready for my mom who is watching Emerson until she starts daycare, and put the car seat in my moms car. Come to find out I left part of my pump at home so my mom had to come and deliver it. It was kind a like leaving your lunch at home on the first day of school! Although it was a blessing in disguise because I got to see Emerson halfway through my day!
Once I was packed up, I gave Emerson a big hug, thanked my mom and got in the car. I thought I would be more sad but I was pretty stoic. It wasn’t until I walked into my office and I saw familiar faces that I lost it a little bit. Reality hit and tears welled up in my eyes. I cried, took a few deep breaths, and walked to my desk. Once there everything went pretty smooth. It was great to see so many friends and colleagues and it was nice to get back into the groove of work.
I think I’m going to struggle with the work/life balance. It’s always been something that I have a hard time with but I’m going to have to figure it out now that I have a baby at home. At 5 o’clock I found myself just hanging out at my desk when I should’ve been packing up and walking out the door to go see my daughter. I’m just not used to that lifestyle at work. Previously I always stayed late, lingered around, and made sure all tasks were done before I left. I’m going to have to work hard to stay focused during the day, get done what I can and then leave at 5 so I can spend time with Emerson. Especially because of the commute is brutal. Our office moved while I was out and it’s in a high traffic area. So now my commute is a good hour which is terrible, it’s only 13 miles… the wasted commute time in the car is a real bummer and something I’m going to have to figure out. It will be hard with a baby who has her own schedule but I need to make sure I get as much time with her as I can while still being a good employee and working efficiently.
Right now, working out is at the bottom of my priority list. I need to figure out balancing work and time with Emerson and then I can try and incorporate working out. Once I get into a little bit of a grove I might try and do some work outs at home after Emerson goes to bed but I’m typically pretty tired so we will see how that goes. As for training for the half marathon at the end of October I’m just going to have to utilize weekends to get a long run in and hope that’s enough.
I just got back from a week away for work. I was out in Grand Rapids, Michigan for a trade show and brand conference. It was really pretty in Grand Rapids – I didn’t get out to explore too much but I did run outside a few days and it seems like a great place to raise families and be a part of a community. On Saturday morning I was out and about and there was a million events, races, fundraisers, etc… it was really fun to see the city come alive!
Grand Rapids has amazing food, wine, culture and art. There are a ton of museums, brewery’s, farm-to-table restaurants, and more. On previous trips I have been able to go explore the city and enjoy the food and wine a bit more. This trip I was super busy and barely left the hotel and convention center.
I ordered room service for breakfast to ensure I got a good healthy meal to start off my day. I have never done room service but it was super fun – I felt so special and fancy!!
I ordered an egg white omelet with mushrooms, peppers and spinach, coffee, and toast. It came with a mini ketchup bottle and super yummy mini jars of jam.
Lunch most days was terrible but I did manage to have one good meal which tasted so good and refreshing. I had an organic mixed green salad with salmon.
Now that I am home, I am really focusing on eating super clean! I have been feeling crappy lately so I am hoping that I can get back on track with my eats and start to feel better. I know I have been saying that a lot lately, but clearly it’s on my mind and I am trying hard to get back on track.
On another note, my crazy and super entertaining sisters are on an epic adventure across the country in a beat up old Corolla. You should follow their adventure on Instagram @atravelingbee – I guarantee you won’t regret it!
I am linking up for WIAW. Make sure to check out other bloggers eats go to The Big Man’s World.